There are times where I could not really understand friendship. It is a casual thing and yet sometimes it seems so complicated and delicate. I guess when it involves other human being, you would have guess that much.
Once, a smart person said, "A friend in the time of need is a friend indeed." How true!
Have you ever wondered where do all your friends go when your are nearing your waterloo? Or why do my friends suddenly show up when I'm successful? Can you be yourself when you're with friends or do you wear a mask?
Well, I guess I wouldn't know until I'm in their shoes. Probably I would react the same way or maybe I would not. Again it's a matter of circumstances, self-awareness and will.
A friend is a mother who believes in you,
A friend is a father who is strict with you,
A friend is a teacher who teaches you,
A friend is a son who loves you.
-Poem by Aditi Yadav-
After having an argy-bargy with God, just like how Jacob wrestled God, I have finally come to my senses. So what if things do not go my way? Afterall I'm not squeeky clean. Who am I if I'm full of dirt to have the rights to barter with God. Life is tough but God will make it easier and most of the times it was ourselves who make things harder. But God is a wonderful God, because He forgives and provides AFTER the consequences... ^_^"
Anyway I do have, now and then, the temptation to vent out my anger and frustrations but seriously, what good would that do? Would by being angry or negative have made the day any better?
Reminds me of a story where King David happened to see a hot chick (if not mistaken taking a shower!) from his balcony of his palace. His hormones raged and soon without realising it, he was controlled by his dick and a 1-night-stand happened. Tough luck to him because that 1-night-stand impregnate the hot chick and to make matters worse, that hot chick was a mrs. So he sent the guy wearing the "green hat" to war in the front lines and resulted in his death. Soon after, King David took that hot chick to be his concubine. The chick bore him a son but soon after the son fell sick. During that time King David realised it was his sin, so he fasted and prayed but eventually his son still died. But after his son died, King David started eating again.
Moral of the story,
1. Even great men fall
2. David is God's favourite, but still gets punished
3. Act of fasting and praying showed his repentance. Without repentance, there'll be no lesson learned.
4. After his son died, he started eating. No point crying over spilt milk. Move on for there'll always be open doors.
5. Always wear a condom ;)
The story was inspired by the lives of the people that I know including my own experiences in life. It's simpler to just create a story rather than sharing each and every person's experiences here. The reason behind it is to show that we would never know what are people's thoughts or actions. It's something that's not within our control, even how the main guy thinks in the story. It might not be intentional but it's definitely a reaction. Different people react and think differently in the cirscumstances they're in.
So my conclusion is: life is a continuous journey of learning. Some got ahead, some left behind, some run in a group, some run by themselves. some help people along the way, some just simply leave people behind, some will drag you, some will push you.
Where's the end of the journey? Some believe it's neverending cycle, some believe there's a better place at the end. We won't know until we reach there won't we?
There's an analogy, when we drive, we look at the map for our destination, we look at the windscreen to drive, and sometimes we look at the rear mirror. Which should we look at the most?
The ones who are just looking at the map wanted to get to the destination most eagerly but forgot to drive.
The ones who are just looking at the windscreen do not know where to go.
The ones who are just looking at the rear mirror would get into an accident.
The ones who are looking at all 3 would also get into an accident.
There are times to each of the actions and the proportion must be correct in order to reach the destination safely.
6 months later
At ministry’s meeting in church
“You must put more ummmph into our ministry. Because many people will be looking at us. We want to do our best for God!” said the ministry leader firmly.
(What if my best is below your expectation?) thinking by myself.
“Come on Danny, you can do better”, ministry leader encourages.
“Hey, I don’t think you’re doing your best, man”, quipped Mika.
At work the next day
“The customers complained! And it probably was the mess we had with the proposal I asked you to prepare the other day. What have you got to say about this?”, asked the manager.
I tilt my eyes slightly signaling that I do not know.
“And there’s more, I heard that you’re doing part-time… which I think you should not be involved in other work that distracts you from doing your job competently.”
“I demand you to give me a good explanation by tomorrow!” said the manager.
(I wish I’m in a time-capsule and the world will fast-forward itself) me thinking.
(It was a bad day, a really bad day.)
At home after work
“Dear heavenly Father, please teach me what to do? What can I do to change this predicament? What did I do that went wrong? Why do such things always happens to me? Please help. Thank you father in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen”, I prayed earnestly.
At work the following day
“Sir, I hereby resigned from my position as the Assistant Manager”, firmly handling the letter over.
“Ok, I think that’ll do. I wish you all the best in your future endeavours”, the manager shaking my hand without looking into my eyes.
“Hey friend, why leave so suddenly?”, asked Mika.
I just shrugged my shoulder and raised my eyebrows slightly.
(Just pack my things and leave this horrid and shameful place quickly) me thinking.
At ministry meeting in church
(Just arrive.)
“Ahh Danny. Let us pray for Danny, for he had a bad day today”, said the ministry leader.
(I’m surprised people here knows what happens so fast, or I should not even be surprised anyway seeing who is here.)
Right after the ministry meeting
“Danny, I notice that there’s something holding you back in your service. Is it because of your work pressure or is there any other things you want to share?”, asked the ministry leader.
“Yeah, anything to share?”, asked Mika ostentatiously.
I smiled and shake my head, “Nope.””But I think I’ll pullout from this ministry for the time being, there’s just something going on currently.”
“You sure you don’t want to share about it?”, asked ministry leader.
“Yup, positive.”, I said and leave another place that knows my shame. (I got an epiphany that somebody has been definitely saying something to both sides that causes me this predicament.)
________________________________________________________________
(Why do these things happen to me? Why it doesn’t happen to most people that I know? How can a fellow Christian betray my trust after I opened up myself? Do I give up easily? Why do I feel people are looking at me differently? Why do I feel different? Is it because I don’t act like them, I don’t talk like them, means that I don’t fit in? Then…
I’m an outcast and forever will be one….. ….. ….. or will I?… … …
I REFUSE TO GIVE UP! Can I look past this betrayal and hate the act but love the person? Can I change? Or should I change? What’s so different or bad about me? Only time will tell for there’s a time for everything.)
“Dear heavenly Father, I pray that you show me my path in life because in Proverbs 3:5-6 says, trust in the Lord with all your heart and lean not on your own understanding; in all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your path straight. Thank you Father for your word, in Jesus’ name I pray, Amen!”
“I’m an outcast and forever will be one….. ….. ….. Will I?”
Few years ago
At a baptism ceremony
“Hi mom! I’m finally baptised”, I said joyfully talking on the phone.
“That’s great! At least now you are under the umbrella of a church. You can always depend on the church”, Mom sounded joyful and relieved on the other side of the phone.
1 year after baptism
At church
“I would like to serve in the church but I have this problem. Well, I came from a broken family. My dad and mom fights very often, so I’ve developed a sense of low self-esteem and insecurity….. That’s why while working, I always have part-times because I’m afraid that anytime I might have to leave my work and normally I hate to argue with people… bla bla bla”
That’s me blurting out everything about my personal life to a church member in-charge of interviewing me for a ministry in church.
At work the next day
“Danny! I told you lots of times, this documents need approval from the top management before it is faxed to the customers!”, barked the manager.
“But sir, you are the one who asked Mika to tell me to fax to the customer immediately yesterday?”, I answered.
“Oh no, I actually told you to get a signature from the top management before you faxed it. How could I forgot what I said?”, defended Mika.
“So, what do you have to say?”, asked the manager.
“Sigh~, sorry, I will call the customer and do it all over again”, I said.
(Why bother explaining to people when it obviously it’s either Mika or the manager’s fault. I am positively sure I heard correctly what Mika said to me yesterday. Sigh~) Me thinking
Lunchtime
Mika, “ So, I heard from uncle Sam that you interviewed for serving in a ministry in church?”
“How do you know?”, I asked.
“Obviously uncle Sam’s son told me, we’re buddies!”, said Mika. “I alsooo heard that you’re doing a part-time job?” “Anyway, I’ll be joining the same ministry as you.”, smiled Mika.
I nodded smiling sheepishly.
...to be continued
We all know that self confidence is very important in doing things. The opposite of self confidence is low self-esteem.
In this post let's explore the reason for a person's self confidence. From my observation I can't help but notice people get their confidence from many things. To list a few,
- working in a big MNC (Multi National Company),
- positions in workplace,
- good reputation among peers,
- car,
- house,
- money/networth,
- good-looking partner (sexy, beautiful, gorgeous, popular),
- branded stuffs (phone, designer's wear, expensive perfumes, handbags),
- recognition from bosses,
- nice body (six packs, slim model-like curves)
and the list goes on..
Now, what do you see in these trend in our world nowadays? All are external and material! No wonder people go through feats to achieve such things.
What about people who has low self-esteem till the point of depression? You notice the reason is identical, only opposite.
Why not look into oneself and find that self-confidence? Remember we were all once babies. We were born with no knowledge about anything. We learned step by step for everything from eating to talking to walking. So you see, self-confidence is in us all since birth. The problem is that we rely on the external factor to give us that confidence till we forgot to look inside ourselves. How about kind-hearted, faithful, peaceful, loving, sincere, humble, honest and many more.
Easier said than done. How? I've learned some things from Tony about NLP (Neuro Linguistic Programming). He says that if we continue to reinforce something positive, we'll eventually believe it even if it's not true. This theory is mentioned by Napolean Hill as well. I'm sure many more motivational speakers/writers have some sort of relevant theory, all you need is just one most suitable method for yourself. Of course it can be used for the negative as well, but why would anyone want to do that?
So, my conclusion is that stop imitating or looking-up to the rich to get your self-confidence. If the rich do not care for the poor and keep getting more for themselves, why should the poor lookup to them? But if the rich who're helping and contributing to the poor, then learn those characteristics for they are more precious than diamond or gold. And this is the intrinsic value we should build our confidence upon. Hope it helps.
